I still remember the 10-days when I was in the PLKN, I finished the first module of the lesson to learn about "Saya" (Me), then they do have to learn about "Kita" (We). I am not sure how the lessons ended up as I leave the place too soon as well as the people there.
There are also some moments, I studied a few psychological books and trying to know about myself, how human being interacts, observing people and until I am too focus. I forgot how to talk.
Anyway to cut long story short, I am one who concerns about me, myself, sometimes trying to have a little self development, sometimes I just do not want any people trying to influence me, set me free of I will do the things I want to do.
I appreciate the way my daddy treat us, we are all girls at home, each having own characteristics and different life targets, he never really stop us on what we are chasing after, even though he wished we will look back and take care of them when they need us.
Being self-centered being, yes, I was just trying to ignore their needs.
I am not a person who will frequently call back home and talk to my parents. I seldom go home even I have one week holiday in school. What I do is to get all the excuse and make myself busy. Dad will not force us home unless of any necessary as he know that the cost is high and it takes almost a day for the journey to go home and return. That give me a better excuse to escape from the blame.
Finally I have graduated, again I am ignoring their wish for the kids to come home, I have chose to go another state for living.
Dad always the one who try to look after us and mum, until we forgot that he needs to be taken care as well, or we are just trying to ignore the need.
This time, although I say it is nearer to home, I still finding excuse of not going home. It is not an usual case that our calls become at least once a week and dad will ask if I come home. I know that it is because they need help, There are always a long to do list when I come home, I always bring my laptop home but never have a chance to open until I leave home again.
I never know how much it is considered as "enough", I guess it would never be enough, we owe him too much. For now, I wish that he can really let go his job and started to have his "retired" life. He has been busy for his whole life. I am not sure how will it end up with after my sister return.
She has been disappear for quite some times not sure whether she kept in touch with my parents, which I believe it might be a no.
I still pray for the best for my dad, and the day he will come to stay with me in JB and ask me to bring him around which he mentioned to me. I never really know about JB and I have forgotten he actually knows a lot more than me. The stories for him to earn a living and to go try out for the possibility of living before he decided to open a medicine shop that feed and protect us for more than 20 years.
I am a kiddo, and giving the excuse of not returning home. But I do hope that the plan he has work out well. I really pray it would never become the regret of my selfish.
Those are the dilemma that I am having. LIFE.
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