人生二十四，大家都在聊什么？

上个周末回家，找了许久不见的老朋友。我们那一班，终于有了一个正式的医生，现在剩下唯一一个读医科而已经毕业的同学。

话说，大家都在谣传着：曾经一个成绩顶呱呱，文武双全的同学现在已经放弃医科，转攻其他科目，传言也分为两个；一个是他沉迷佛法，专心钻研去了泰国，另一个说法则是他还在路上，只是转了科系，学了泰语。无论哪个说法，都令我感概生命的作弄。小弟我直到现在还无法定下心来决定我人生往后要走的路，那么多年走的路都是看到哪里有光就往哪里钻，没有办法做选择，所以都让自己没得选；倒是很羡慕大家，他是其中一个，很早就下定决心要读医科，还打算要做脑科之类的专科，那时，他也有一个要好的女友，完全就是人生胜利组，简直就是一路安稳的和已经安排好往后的人生那样。

会写着一段，因为今年的聚会，大家都不约而同的不知从哪里听到消息，然后就问来问去查证，其实我真的不晓得到底发生了什么事，唯一能够确认的就是如果我可以在今年的毕业典礼去看究竟他是否有从大学里医科毕业。否则也就证明了谣传中故事，也和开玩笑的和朋友说或许我可以直接和他父母在大街上遇到的时候查证，不过在那么多小学、中学朋友的父母都已经混熟的情况，我对他的父母还真的没什么印象。

话题回到我和医生的聚会，三个臭皮匠一个诸葛亮，三个不同个性的老朋友，说的话题虽然还是逃不了现阶段大家都是单身的话题。不同的是，和我同年龄的男同学在三年前就开始被妈妈很努力的介绍女孩，也很早就已经开始存老婆本，打算了他想提早退休的计划，唯一缺的就是女朋友。他是一个好男生，很绅士的一个，除了很宅，和黄色话题接受程度很广之外，一直认为是他英文教育的关系。不过色归色，他却是没有交过女朋友的那一种。时间的成长，我们期待着他可以找到他的另一半，让他可以变得稳重些。

然后，医生和小男生开始了教育课程，她把她学习接生的过程栩栩如生的叙述了一遍，搞得身为女人的我真的不敢想象，本来是分享给小男生让他知道女人分娩的痛苦，结果他一直看着我说：看吧，你将来有一天会面对这一切。。。。

无言，身为女人的医生和我，幻想着我们未知的另一半是否能够接受助养，免去这些女生需要承受的痛，啊！为什么我们会把话题扯的那么远？！
八字还没一瞥呢！大家还是赶紧去寻找属于自己的另一半吧。。。。

～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～

我们这一班，至少十年的友谊，大家早已各奔东西，

不知道谁会先发红炸弹？

场景从韩国餐厅转到嘛嘛档，换了人物，小男生加班去了，新进的有我们班的老博士，医生看到博士第一眼问是老博士如何返老还童，从一头白发变成黑发，也是老话题了，话说初中开始白发苍苍的博士，在进了大学之后头发变黑了，到现在如何办到的还是个谜，博士不肯把秘方告诉大家，所以就当作奇迹还是会有发生的时候。

话题转变到了国家经济和生老病死的话题，严肃多了，博士提到想要离开马来西亚工作的念头，医生则聊到在学医过程中在医院看到的离别，她也知道我老爸的事件，在国外生活六年她想家的心思，我们都是家里永远的小公主，爸爸永远的小女儿。

周末就这样结束了，回到家里，告诉妈妈不能和她们去旅游的决定，考虑了一个星期的事，今年的年假用的差不多了，还是乖乖的在附近兜兜转转就好，与其走马看花，不如定下心来准备下一趟旅程。

时隔一年，我将要回到槟岛，感受岛屿的热情啦！期待-ing~~

恢复，需要时间

昨天，我回到马六甲，事情就这样过了五个星期。有家却没有回家的意义，导致我周末都窝在新山。从一开始的睡不安稳，到开始做很多奇奇怪怪我也不能记得的梦，现在终于可以睡得好些了。

可笑的是，没有一个人的家，我竟然没有办法独自一人在那里呆太久，太多的回忆，好的坏的，开心的，争吵的，所有的声音，现在变成鸦雀无声。

所以昨天，算起来不到12个小时的时间，我却把时间填得满满的，没有让自己有休息的时间。想起网路歌手的那一首《Say Forever》，我一个人并不孤单，想一个人才孤单，这个时候，最怕寂寞找上门，纯粹的不想想太多，所以拼命的找活儿干。

时间也过了快一个月，虽然没有完全恢复但是至少已经接受了。

老姐也快回来了，希望一切尽快重回正轨。

看到大家认真的生活，我也得尽快找回我那失去的活力，好好学习和干活了，年轻不留白，再不疯狂我们就老了。大家加油吧！

大学的学弟妹，大家也快完成学业了，时间那么快就又过了一年，一年感觉那么短，却发生了那么多事，学习速度也需要赶紧加强了，岁月不待人啊！

Journey of Life: Farewell until We See Again.

It is weekend again, sick people is in the house doing some room cleaning and facing the computer again.

Soon, there is going to be close up for Q2 2015 for my work, time is flying fast that I have been working for almost 10 months. It has been so much change within one year, so much have happened.

Something that never change, I am still myself, still a human. But the surrounding has change, there is so much changes, I am still getting used to the changes, but the stubborn behind is still dragging me.

There is a lot of farewell that I have passed through over the year.

Left Penang at last July, a city that I have stay for 4 years, the people that I familiar with, and come to a totally new city to start working. A place that I have never consider to stay before. Or else, I would have listed UTM as my first choice of university.

I thought I would choose the capital city of Malaysia, so I chose to have my internship there. Fate has brought me here to Johor, maybe because I have no idea of this city. Or maybe because my beloved friends are around here too. I know that I might be come here alone, but it won't make me feel that I am alone anyway.

I am an introvert but lucky to have various kind of friends that I have meet them from each part of life. I am yet to explore the world, but their presence has made up my world. I don't need to know everyone or to let everyone know me to built my world, but I need someone who willing to standby and listen to me when I need.

I am glad that I have know many of them that willing to do so. Last month was really a hard time for me, one of the hardest farewell I have come across in my life. It is still hard for me when I think of it. But I am glad to have all my friends who concerns.

My 10 years relationship's "girlfriend" that always by my side through the up and down along these years. I almost cry when I saw her after the incident happen. How much my story that I have been sharing with her, although we both live in different city. I am glad that I have this special relationship with her and I trust that she is one of them that will accompany me along the journey of life.

I am glad that you have came across my life.

Of course there is so much appreciation I would like to give to all my friends. My words are always emotional, but in reality I am always appear in reverse, emotionless.
____________________________________________________________
Another farewell is coming, we had a dinner together yesterday night, it was a very short one and nothing to do with farewell, because we know that we are going to meet again. I strongly believe that.
We did not talk much until we attended the job interview together, last year around this time.

We did not expected we were end up working in the same company until the results announced. We both have our close friends that we would like to work together. But it ended up that we are the only among our friends who succeed and so it is how the story begins.

We are the newbies to this city and to work. We shared the story almost everyday although working in different office. She is one of those who taught me again hospitality and friendship. She is also one of those who supports my crazy idea and crazy with me.

Ten months in the same city, although it is not much time that we have spend together, and let's the story continues after four months (depends on our fate again).

Thanks for being a friend, a sister in this period.
Thanks for listening and sharing with me.
Thanks for introducing me to the good foods with Sofiah.
Thanks for accompany me to go shopping, movie, hiking and exploring Johor.

Until we see each other again.

Regards,
Jiao Wei.

Our first annual dinner, she is one of the committee. 

They always wanted to bring me for chicken chop but always wrong timing 

and they brought me to different places for food. 

Yesterday night with new restaurant again.

We are all the happy kids.  

我的全能老爸

他，是我人生的一个指标。

有人说，父亲是女儿上一世的情人，这意味我 老爸上辈子的 人缘很好很好，以至今生有四个女儿？

他，没有很帅的外表，朋友却不分男女老少，态度平易近人，所以每到的地方，都可以很好的和人们相处，没有四海为家，不过四海之内皆兄弟也。

他，没有读很多的书，却有着幽默和认真的态度，在最后这几年的人生，也开始对于之前很多东西，学习原谅和放下。

他，没有吃遍山珍海味，却是进得了厨房的好男人，他喜欢观察和学习，是个吃货，在认识了几个厨师朋友，也捉到了不少诀窍。（原谅我没有继承这些，不会煮菜，至今也只能煎蛋和蛋炒饭）

他，有的是豁达的人生观，虽然有时候还是会对某些事的观点喋喋不休，但他所给予我们女儿的自由，很多父母没有办法放手让孩子去跌倒成长的，他在大家都觉得我还无法离开家自主的时候，坦然的给了我绿卡，让我有机会去学习。

只是我不是一个孝顺的女儿，一味只顾着长大和往外间撞，以很多年前他担忧我的不独立为借口，越走越远，远到我无法回头。

回家，是有多久才回家一趟啊，假期，都是用来旅游和休息的，所以用更多的借口不回家。累了，没办法回家。

他没有怨，只希望我们回家的时候能够帮忙做点事儿，但当一切变的理所当然，那份沉重感，更提不起劲回家。

虽然说，回家的日子都用来面对整个家，或许每个人对家的定义都不一样，我是一只风筝，被一根长长的线牵引着，却无法 被紧紧的抓着，平衡点在于一拉一放之间。

一直想说声谢谢您，给予我们的一切 自由。

老爸的功夫年代

爸爸出生于50年代，成长的岁月，是后殖民时代，和刚独立的时代。

从小，书念的不多，小小年纪便出外做学徒，不太记得顺序如何，小时候在橡胶园割树胶，机缘之下来到药材店当学徒，也曾经一段时间在古来乡下和公公种菜。年轻时偶尔帮忙邻居老板开车南下柔佛和新加玻，到山番村（土著部落）收集蟒蛇皮等等。

年轻的时候，偶像是李小龙，看《唐山大兄》，他学中国武术，忘了什么拳法，只记得他孜孜不倦说了无数次的“擒拿掌”，也因为这招数，和一位铁打师傅打赌，学到了师傅的秘密治疗骨折的方法。

也曾经是跆拳道黑带二段，在当地的跆拳道馆教拳，喜欢钻研 武术，让他把两个不同的招数混在一起，然后 引来黑道大哥的挑战，打败了大哥，交了个“朋友 ”，然后自己在刚开店时，有 大哥护航，避免了交保护费的日子。

时间到了我们这一代，却没有人继承他的武功底子，大家都是文弱书生。

在他生病好转了之后，他也学了气功。无奈，他的视线或许因为用眼过度，需要动手术，可手术出了问题，一再延期，导致他无法在夜间开车，所以只好停顿。

他，作为一个父亲，给予子女的榜样，认真地过生活，人在江湖，吃饭还得靠一招半式，防身，也交朋友。他学功夫，外表却看不出来，也是铁铮铮的“人不可貌相”。

16th April 2015

I still not able to accept for the day that I thought I am ready after discuss with my dad for so many time, I wish that I can be still a little kids that doesn't know anything and thought that he just gone for a sleep. 

I know I should be glad that he is no longer suffering from pain, that he finally get relieved from all the the emotional and physical suffering, that his last scene was still the calm face. 

I blame myself to be so selfish, refuse to look after him when he was sick, trying to avoid from noticing his call for home. I never wanted to accept that he is old and leaving us anytime. Even until the last day of him, I still don't want to accept it and until it is too late. 

Until I have to pretend that I am strong and calm enough to accept the fact. But I know I am not. 

That day, although I try to control my emotion to drive home, but the car engine dead has showed how impatient of myself to rush back and go to the hospital. That day, when I called home and try to pursue my mum if she can go beside him for the last minute. That day, when I finally lost him and when I see it is just the body without the soul. 

When everything has happened, I know there is no use to cry, not able to do anything but at least not to create more trouble. But I know I am in fact not strong enough to stand all these. I try not to cry but I know I dare not to sleep alone at all for the first few days, dare not to tell anyone about the incident and I am afraid if anyone talk to me and I will non stop crying. 

In fact, I know the day will come, when he first told me that he fall down in the toilet, I tried my best to massage every time I go home during weekend. But when he fall down just behind of me on the road when I start the car engine, I know that I am still not strong enough to deal with all these. But I chose to avoid thinking for the worst and thought everything can be better until I need to take a week leave home to take care of him, sending him to the hospital each day for different check up, and until the day he do operation and stay in ICU. 

I thought miracles could happen again, Since at least he has awake after the operation and still tease behind him that he should be fine since he can still complain the staff in hospital. I still cannot believe that after that a few days later he has left us forever. 

Yes, I know nor matter how much I try to pay back it is not enough for what he has done to us. He has taught me for everything in life since young. He has given me my biggest freedom to do what I want. He has told me the story that he has passed through to teach me lessons. He has try his very best to live positively until the day he is beaten down. 

I did not inform most of my friends about the incident until I write it down here. That was for his friends and family not mine. 

I try to recognize each of them, most are known since I was young. Siblings, relatives, old school buddies, neighbors. I am just trying to be calm to talk to them, to describe the scene that I don't wish to recall, again and again. 

Well, just let this be the one and the only emotional post relating to this. I will write more posts for the story that he has told as a record instead. At least comparing to the very first sick of him when I was Form 4 or 5, he should be able to let go of us as I am ready for independent. 

Rest in peace, my dad. You will be always on my mind. 

CNY reading :Tuesday with Morrie

People often said that when you feels the time is flying, it is when you started to grow old.

Yeah, whether agree with that  sentence or not, I feel the time is really flying, February have come to an end. I have not do anything I have promised to do for this year, I am still hanging around here let the time pass.

I have misuse the term "Young", because of that word, I am simply wasting my time. I thought I will have more time to play, to enjoy, to do whatever I love to.

We always thought that time will wait for us. we often listen to the advise from people to avoid the same mistake and yet we did.

It has been 7 months since I started my first job, while I am still in my gratefulness of smoothly getting a job and enjoy a new environment, the frustration of getting call from home to ask for my return has finally slap onto my face.

I have learnt for a life lesson again.

Whether it is not good to cry during the Lunar New Year, I cried on the third day in the middle of night. Waiting for sister to come back and I cried again, talked to her as if during our childhood, throwback for the few days for CNY, recalled for some of the memories.

The gambling during CNY reminds me of the time when we were still staying in grandma house in Gemencheh, the typical small village that filled up my childhood.

Talked to dad when massage, I was trying to listen to him and ask him question about the old times, I remembered that my elder sister told me that I was taken care by an Indian family when I first born, so I asked him about the story, he said I am being like by all the Indian in the same village, the village in my childhood again, although I have no image of  it at all, it is during my first two years.

Then the story continues to how I grew up again, I was being naughty after they take me back home, my dad decided to bring me  back to the real 'home', having a hard time, but still got to watch me until I grow up.

It is just within a few days time, the weakening of ones health can be so fast, it is finally watching the recover, then suddenly he fallen down right behind me, when I asked him to wait for me to start the car and reverse, he tried to go to the car and he thought he can make it.

That is how it taught us, recently I am reading a book, still in the halfway reading, it describes the last lesson given by a professor to his student, it is telling other people story, but it somehow as if I am listening to the story of my dad.

I am not sure how long the story can last, in fact, I  am not sure if I am able to finish reading the story, but I do hope the story that I am experiencing can be longer. There can be more weeks or months to go. I hope.